As You Wish
by NobleLandMermaid
Summary: Jim's not much of a costume guy, but he has on occasion made exceptions… A Halloween Fic set in Season 5, after the "Employee Transfer" cold opener, with high school flashbacks (because who doesn't love that!)
1. All Righty Then

_Edit: looks like the spam has died down so I'll resume updating here. In the even they kick up again, remember you can report spam review by clicking on the little yellow warning sign. **Do not attempt to message these accounts or even try to visit their profiles**. __You can find my latest updates under the same name at ArchiveOfOurOwn or, even better, come to the MoreThanThat archive for tons of great office and JAM stories, mttjustonce dot net_

 **1\. All Righty Then**

 **Halloween 2008**

Once he got to his car, Jim peeled the "Dave" name-tag from his chest and crumpled it up. He was able to escape work early, which he was thankful for since Joker Dwight had asked him a dozen times today if Jim wanted "to see a magic trick". A buzz came from his messenger bag and he reached in for his phone.

"L _eaving work, better hang onto my hat_ ," the message read. He selected the attachment and laughed when the photo loaded. There was his sweet, funny, talented, beautiful fiancee (still couldn't quite believe he could say _fiancee_ ), accidentally looking like Adolf Hitler.

Hitting the call button, he pressed the phone to his ear and chuckled when Pam answered "Hello" in a low, irritated voice. "Maybe you can call it a performance art piece," he started.

"Yeah? How's that?" Pam said skeptically.

"It's, you know, some kind of social commentary. Just one little change and you've transformed a beloved groundbreaking actor into the worst guy to ever live."

"I just wanted to wear a bowler hat." Pam groaned.

"Famous last words."

Pam laughed and suddenly remembered something. "Oh, can you swing by my parents? I guess some of my boxes are crowding the garage and I told Mom we would take them. She should be home." Pam stuck with her view that they shouldn't move in together until they were engaged, and rather than just moving in along with her things before she went to New York, she packed up her apartment and left most of the boxes at her parent's place just north of Scranton.

"But then your stuff is going to be crowding me," Jim said.

"That you're just gonna have to get used to," Pam retorted and Jim laughed. "But, seriously, I don't want Mom and Dad to be bickering over those boxes,"

Jim had also noticed that Bill and Helene seemed strained a bit lately, their fights increasing in frequency, "They'll still bicker, some boxes won't change that."

"I know but it at least won't be over me," Pam said in a pleading tone. "Please?"

"Alright, Charlie Hitler, I'll do it."

Pam laughed an exhausted laugh, "I'm going straight to my room and de-mustaching. Love you, watch out for trick-or-treaters!"

"Love you too," Jim closed his phone and tossed it onto the passenger seat. He left the Scranton Office Park lot and started making his way north towards the Beesly's. At a stoplight, a group of middle school-aged kids crossed in front of him. He saw one dressed as a pirate complete with eye patch and smiled to himself.

* * *

 **Halloween 1997**

Jim had decided he was not a costume guy.

Once he aged out of trick-or-treating a few years ago, he hadn't made much effort to put together costumes. At school everyone would dress up on Halloween Day but Jim would wear a mask or funny glasses with his regular clothes and have that be the extent of it.

Now it was senior year and everyone was so excited that Halloween was actually on a Friday. Jim begrudgingly agreed to go to a costume party with Mark tonight but had no interest in spending time or money on an outfit.

After dinner, Jim was firmly on the couch, watching Addams Family with his little sister. Larissa was dressed in track pants, a bright spandex tank and a high ponytail. The doorbell rang and Larissa jumped up to answer, and then Jim heard a shriek and a loud "All righty then!" at the same time.

"Larissa?" their mother called from the kitchen in a concerned tone.

"I'm fine, Mom, it's just Mark the Idiot." Larissa said in an annoyed tone when she returned to the living room, a boy right behind her in a Hawaiian shirt, red pants and a pompadour hairdo.

"Be nice, sweetie," Mom called back.

"Yeah, be nice to me," Mark teased, tossing a grocery bag on the couch.

Larissa rolled her eyes and looked Mark up and down, "Who are you supposed to be anyway?"

Mark pulled a wallet from his pocket and opened it so a handmade "Pet Detective" card was in view. "I'm Ace Ventura. And who are you supposed to be?"

"Mel C," Larissa answered. Mark looked at her blankly and she scoffed. "Sporty Spice, from Spice Girls? It's a group costume, I made sure to call dibs on one that wore pants."

"Yeah but doesn't she wear like little crop tops?" Mark put his hands under his ribs and puffed his chest out. "Wouldn't that be a more accurate costume?"

Jim stood, ready to tell Mark to stop harassing his little sister, but she rolled her eyes and he knew she didn't need any brotherly intervention.

Mark looked over to Jim in his plain black clothes. "You need to go put on your costume, Halpert, or…?"

"No, I'm fine." Both Larissa and Mark looked skeptical so Jim pulled an eye patch from his pocket and slipped it on. "There, I'm a minimalist pirate."

Larissa chuckled and Mark shook his head, "I knew you were gonna try to pull something like this. That's why I planned ahead." Digging in the grocery bag, he pulled out a long black cape and a mask. "Voila!"

In Mark's hands was his Phantom of the Opera costume from the spring musical. He auditioned on a whim and managed to land the understudy role and even got to do a couple shows when the lead came down with laryngitis. Jim shook his head, "No."

"Oh c'mon, Jim," Larissa whined. She took the mask from Mark's hands. "This way you won't be the only one at the _costume_ party not dressed and therefore a total lame-o."

"Plus chicks dig the Phantom, man, he's brooding. I wore this to the after party and Shelia Davis totally stuck her tongue down my thro-aaahhh." Mark looked up to see Jim and Larissa's mom standing with a half smile on her face. Mark pretended to scratch his nose, "She um, gave me a peck on the cheek."

Jim chuckled, slipped on the mask then fastened the cape around his neck. "Okay, everyone happy now?"

"Wait," Mark dug in the bag and pulled out a silk rose. He pulled on one side of the cape where a hidden loop was and threaded the stem into it. "Now you have a favor when you find your Christine." Mark said, flicking out his hand in a dramatic way.

"Oh my god," Jim muttered, and his mom walked over to straighten his cape collar.

"You all look great." She turned to Larissa and Mark. "Okay so you're dropping off Larissa at Kaitlin's first, and then going to Ethan Mackenzie's then back by…?"

"Midnight?" Mark said tentatively. Jim's mom arched a brow and Mark started bumbling. "Or um, 11 if that's better."

"Midnight is fine, call if you need anything."

Both Jim and Larissa mumbled that they would and made their way out the door to Mark's car.

First stop was Larissa's friends place in south Dunmore. Kaitlin was a freshman along with Larissa and was having a Halloween sleepover. Mark pulled up to the curb and a girl with big blonde pigtails and a tiny pink dress came out of the house.

"Oh, Baby Spice rushing to see us, huh?" Mark said with a smirk.

" _You_ are not the one who Kaitlin wants to see, Mark," Larissa replied. Jim widened his eyes and turned around to the back seat, where Larissa was zipping up her overnight bag. "What? You know that," she said.

Jim shook his head "I do not know that." And then suddenly all that was in his window was pink and blonde.

"Hi Jim, what's your costume?" Kaitlin asked with a wide smile.

"Oh, um," Jim slipped on the mask and turned back to her. "Phantom of the Opera."

"I love it!" Kaitlin squealed and Jim was glad the mask was mostly cover his cheeks.

"That's a pretty great costume also, Baby." Mark said with a smarmy smile.

"Thanks," Kaitlin said with a forced smile. She studied Mark's hair for a moment. "Are you Elvis?"

Mark sighed and pulled out his handmade "Pet Detective" card again, "Ace Ventura. Jim Carrey?"

"Oh, that's cool," Kaitlin said somewhat flatly. She looked to Jim and grinned broadly again. "You know you guys can come hang out for a while. Just can't stay overnight."

"Um, thanks for the offer…" Jim stammered.

"Our friend is expecting us, sorry," Mark said with a shrug.

"Yeah, sorry, maybe another time," Jim had no idea why he said that.

Kaitlin beamed at Jim, then told Larissa she'd see her inside, glancing over her shoulder and Jim several times as she walked up to her door.

"Why was she so happy, I just blew her off," Jim wondered aloud.

"You said 'maybe another time', in her mind that's you practically asking her out." Larissa said with a smirk while climbing out of the car. "Thanks for the ride."

"Say hey to Posh and Ginger for me," Mark shouted, laughing when Larissa rolled her eyes. He put the car into gear and took off.

A few turns later, Jim looked around the neighborhood and frowned. "You know where Mack's place is, right?"

"Oh, yeah, forgot to tell you, there was a change of plans," Mark said with an self-satisfied grin.

A sign for the country club came and went Jim snapped his head to Mark. "Why are we going to Glenmara?"

Mark smirked, "Because some rich kid with out-of-town parents is throwing a massive party." Jim's one visible brow was raised in worry and Mark patted him on the shoulder, "Don't worry, I'll get you home to mommy by midnight."

Jim watched the homes become progressively larger and further apart. "Who are we gonna know at this party?" He hardly wanted to go to Ethan Mackenzie's to start with but Mack was a teammate and Jim figured the crowd would be familiar.

"Well, Mack for one, he told me about it. But I think the host goes to Bishop O'Hara." Mark lifted his hand and crossed his fingers, "Here's hoping some of the O'Hara cheer squad is there."

Parked Cars now lined both sides of the road and Jim spotted several costumed groups making their way up the sidewalk. Mark slowly passed the house and Jim's eyes widened at the size of the place, hugh porch, a large double front door, and he was pretty sure there was a chandelier in the two-storied entryway. A few houses down, Mark finally found a space to park and climbed out of the car. "All righty then! You ready, Halpert?"

"I guess I better be," Jim mumbled as he straightened out his mask.

* * *

 _writing this for MoreThanThat's Halloween prompt, check out mttjustonce dot net **  
**_


	2. Paper Faces on Parade

**2\. Paper Faces on Parade**

 **Halloween 2008**

"Hi Jim! Thanks so much for stopping by. Come in, come in." Jim nearly thought he had the wrong house when the door opened but soon realized it was Helene wearing a long raven-colored wig and form-fitting black dress. She was Mortician Addams, though with the lowish neckline and high slit up the skirt Jim wondered if it wasn't a little bit Elvira-inspired.

Jim shrugged, "No problem." He stepped in the house and glanced around at the faux spiderwebs and paper skeletons taped to the wall. "You all planning a party?"

"Oh, well, Bill's running errands right now, hopefully he'll be home and changed into Gomez when the trick-or-treaters start coming around." Helene's voice noticeably changed from cheerful to irritated and Jim didn't dare continue that topic. "So you're not going to New York or anything tonight?" she asked as she led him to the garage.

"Nah, I'm staying in tonight. I'll head there tomorrow morning, skip the Halloween crowd," Jim answered.

Helene gave Jim a short "sounds good" reply, then pointed to a group of boxes in the corner. "There are all of Pam's things, I figure if you can take a car-full of them, it would help free up some space."

Jim nodded and made his way to the corner, it was indeed a little tight for space in the garage with the entire side stacked with boxes, contents hand-labeled: "Penny's Room", "Grandpa Philip's albums", "Meemaw's Records". One label especially caught his eye as he shimmied through, _Pam's Costumes_. "Pam has a whole box of costumes?" he called to Helene.

"Only one?" she said with a laugh, her voice cheerful again. "Oh if you can, bring that one over."

Carefully slipping the box off the shelf, Jim stacked it on top of two other boxes and brought the whole load to the door. Helene grabbed the "costume box" and went into the house. Jim found her in the kitchen, pulling a black wig with white streaks out.

"Pammy got so mad that people kept asking her if she was Marge Simpson this year," Helene laughed, Bride of Frankenstein hair in her hands.

Jim peeked in the box, pulling out a cherry red wig that must have been part of a Little Mermaid outfit. "Lots of wigs in here, huh?"

"Oh yes, anything with a wig and a long flowing dress." Helene motioned to herself, "Wonder where she picked that up from?"

Jim smiled and he and Helene continued digging through the mess of multicolored costumes. He began pulling one out of the box, a dress with long sleeves, and he felt his eyebrows knit as he studied the bright color.

 **Halloween 1997**

"Hey Halpert!" Mark sauntered over to Jim, who had been leaning against the hallway wall fussing with his cape for a good portion of the party. There were a handful of familiar faces but it was mostly tispy strangers stumbling around the large house. "Just 'cause the Phantom lurks in the shadows doesn't mean you have to." Mark handed Jim a plastic cup and then put his arm around Jim's shoulders. "C'mon, take a couple sips and meet some people."

Jim looked skeptically at the pink liquid in the cup then nearly choked when he took a swig of the sweet, boozy drink. "Oh my god, what's in this, Robitussin?"

"Social lubricant!" Mark replied in his Ace Ventura voice and Jim wrinkled his nose.

As he followed Mark, Jim did his best to dodge both furniture and people, and him leaning back to avoided a kid in a big boxy Transformer outfit caused him to run right into a girl. "I'm sorry!" he said, his hand instinctively going to the girl's shoulder to steady her.

"You're fine," the girl said quickly and quietly. She glanced at him briefly through waves of gold hair. Jim couldn't see too well through his mask but she looked upset, her eyes a bit red. Before he could ask if she was okay, her blonde hair and bright red dress disappeared in the crowd, and Mark tugged on Jim's arm.

As he had hoped, Mark managed to find a group of Bishop O'Hara cheerleaders dressed as various Batman characters. Mark hit it off with a Batgirl while Jim started talking to a Poison Ivy. Ivy was quite chatty so Jim mostly nodded and sipped on the sugary concoction from his plastic cup.

"So what made you decide to be the Phantom?" Ivy asked after several minutes and Jim was caught off guard by her actually asking him a question.

"Oh, um, this is borrowed from my friend, he was Phantom in the school play last year." Ivy nodded politely and Jim tried to think of something to add. "I did audition for the part but didn't make it."

"I'm sorry," Ivy said, her face sympathetic.

"Yeah turns out you gotta be able to sing to audition for musicals." He nearly cringed at how lame that was but Ivy laughed and he smiled back. "What inspired Poison Ivy here?"

Her eyes lit up, "Well, you know we decided on Batman characters and I thought Poison Ivy was fun but I didn't really like Uma Thurman's horn thingies in the movie so I decided to go classic. Plus it gave me an excuse to dye my hair red."

Jim finished off his drink and his eyes widened, "So that's not your hair color?"

"No, I would die for natural red hair! This girl on our squad has red hair and it sooo beautiful. No, I have this mousy brown color. So that was part of why I decided on Ivy. Oh my god!" Her eyes looked past Jim and he turned to see another girl in a Catwoman costume running up to Ivy. They hugged and started walking off, giggling and complimenting each other's costumes, and Jim was alone with his empty drink.

Over in the corner, he could see Mark was occupied with Batgirl, talking close and occasionally playing with each other's hair. Jim glanced at the bottom of his cup and turned on his heels in search of more punch.

This is gonna be it, Jim told himself, ladling more pink liquid from the large bowl steaming with dry ice. He was definitely feeling the effects from the first cup of punch and didn't want to return home tipsy, his older brothers has caused enough trouble for his parents with their partying. He took a sip, and over the rim of the cup he spotted the girl he ran into earlier, leaning against the wall in a red dress playing with her long blonde hair. Jim decided he had just enough punch in him to walk up to her.

"Hey," he started. She gave him another quick glance and smile and said hi back. "I'm real sorry about almost knocking you over earlier."

She gave a nervous chuckle, "Oh no, it's really crowded in here."

Jim chewed his lip, he hadn't really thought past the "hello" part. "I like your costume. Sleeping Beauty?"

"Thanks, um, it's Buttercup actually." Jim was drawing a blank and it must have showed in his face. "Princess Bride?" the girl added.

"Right! Yeah, great movie," Jim said overenthusiastically, this second cup of punch was definitely going to his head.

"It would be easier for people to get if I had Wesley with me," Buttercup said, her tone now annoyed.

It took a moment for Jim to place the character name, and then he realized Buttercup was one half of a couple' costume. "Where is Wesley?" he asked somewhat reluctantly.

"I don't know, getting drunk with his teammates I'm sure. Probably forgot I'm here, it wouldn't be the first time." She crossed her arms and started digging her toe into the carpet.

Jim looked to his cup and half-smiled, "I got something to cheer you up." She glanced at him with an arched brow and Jim turned back to the drinks table. He returned with another cup of punch and bowed slightly. "As you wanted."

She took the plastic cup with narrowed eyes, "As you wish?"

Jim's shoulders dropped, "Oh shit, did I screw up that line?" Buttercup giggled and he shook his head. "I did, I screwed up like the simplest, most famous line in that movie."

"You were close though, partial credit." Buttercup said, bringing the red cup to her lips. She then made a sour face, "Ugh, what is this, vodka with cough syrup?"

Jim chuckled, "The second glass tastes better."

She nodded to the cup in his hand, "Yeah I bet." She looked up to his mask, "Why did the Phantom wear a mask again? Hiding burn scars?"

"Bad face tattoo," Jim said and he smiled at her giggles. "He was going for one of those cool Chinese tigers and ended up with Garfield the cat."

"Is, um, is there like a word bubble with Garfield saying 'I hate Mondays'?" Buttercup said between laughs.

"They got that wrong too, it says 'I hate Wednesdays' and Wednesdays is spelled wrong." Jim retorted. "It was just a really bad tattoo artist." Buttercup was red from laughing so hard. _What idiot would stand up a girl like this?_ he found himself wondering, and an idea came into his somewhat inebriated mind. "Hey, um, I'm gonna find a bathroom, will you be here in five minutes?"

She nodded, "Yeah." Jim asked if she was sure and she smiled wider, "Yes, I'll be right here."

"Okay, five minutes, I'll be back, I promise," Jim said, stumbling a little as he backed away.

After climbing the big, curved staircase to the second floor, Jim avoided various kissing couples and groups fixing each other's costumes in the hallway and found an empty bathroom. Once he got over the fact that this bathroom rivaled in size to his bedroom, he began rummaging through the drawers for something that could cut fabric. "Yes!" he said in a loud whisper when he found a pair of beard trimming scissors and he pulled off his Phantom cape and white mask.

The eye holes ended up lopsided and far too much fabric dangled from the knot on the back of his head but he still managed to make the cape into mask and with his dark clothing he was a passable Dread Pirate Roberts. With the plastic rose that had been tucked in the cape all evening in his hand, he opened the door and headed to the stairs.

He rehearsed a couple scenarios in his head, handing her the rose and saying simply "As you wish" (that didn't really make sense), maybe something teasing like "I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts, but tonight I could be" (too much like Mark). He reached the punch bowl and his heart started pumping, Buttercup wasn't there. Jim looked around frantically, maybe she was tired of standing and found a chair, but there was no sign of her in the living room. He turned towards the door saw the flash of red and blonde. She turned toward him with a smile on her face, and his heart beat even faster.

But her eyes weren't looking his direction, not even close, they were looking up at a tall figure with his back towards Jim, broad shouldered and dressed in black. Jim's heart sank when the figure leaned down to kiss her, and then sank even further when Jim saw the way she looked at the tall boy, her eyes shining and her smile reaching from ear to ear. Arm around her 'Wesley', Buttercup turned away, and Jim gazed down at the rose in his hands. He only looked up when he heard the door closed, and there was no blonde hair or red dress to be seen.

"Dude, is that my cape?" Jim turned to see Mark walking up, his hair tousled and his mouth smeared with red lipstick.

Jim slipped the knotted fabric off his head and handed it to Mark. "Yeah, sorry," he said, walking with slumped shoulders to the living room.

 **Halloween 2008**

As he looked the red garment in his hands up and down, Jim felt his eyes get wider.

"This was a nice one, I helped her make this dress." Helene said, playing with a sleeve. "And I think she wore this one with a…" she dug through the box and pulled out a mess of blonde waves, "Ah-ha! Yes, another wig."

"When did she wear this, do you remember?" Jim wondered if his voice sounded strange at all, he felt like he was about two octaves higher than normal.

Helene didn't seem to noticed, squinting her eyes at the dress and thinking. "Oh gosh, first year of college probably, or… high school? Yes, I think maybe high school."

Jim started repacking the costume box, taking care that the red dress and blonde wig were on top. "You mind if I take this box?" he said, already sliding the box to the edge of the table.

Helene answered that she didn't minded at all and once Jim's car was loaded with that box and several others, he made some excuse about needing to run errands. After a stop at his place to drop off boxes and pick up his duffle, Jim did indeed run an errand: a trip to a pop-up Halloween shop.

With an orange colored shopping bag on the passenger seat and a blonde wig and red dress in his overnight bag in the back, Jim started heading west on a now-familiar route.


End file.
